My husband calls me a "raging feminist". I think that is a funny term and while I know he loves me for what I stand for, I don't know if he's saying it fully as a compliment. I choose to be proud of the title. I probably won't regularly cover a ton of feminist topics, however, I have attempted to make a few small shifts in my own consciousness of feminism that feel worth sharing. 

First, I am trying really hard to not say sorry before or after every sentence, unless it's necessary and genuine. Especially at work. Some days it can feel like every conversation I am having or email I am writing is coming from an apologetic place. Why do I do that? Just this past Friday I had a meeting with a senior director (male) and found myself starting a valid question off with, "sorry if this seems silly to ask, but ..." In the past I may have omitted the question completely and spent way too much time figuring out on my own. Now I force myself to speak up, ask my questions, and stay in a confident in my abilities. The same could be said for the over explanation for the reasoning behind basically everything I do, but let's leave that for another post. 

Another thing I used to say a lot, mainly to Jay - "thank you for putting up with my craziness". Then I'd be furious when he would say I was being crazy in the heat of an argument. Why should I have been when I spoon fed him the words to use? It was as if in order to accept my own complexities I had to label it crazy (plenty of other words we use too) rather than just being peaceful with who I am. I don't think I need to thank someone who has been loving me for 14 years for putting up with me. I'd never expect him to do that to me nor does he expect it from me. All my own doing. Guess that is a little crazy. 

This last one, I am still grappling with...and think could be a good premise for an episode of Black Mirror. Giving compliments to other women based on their appearance. On one hand I think women dress for other women, share common delights with fashion and that type of stuff so it's a natural tendency to give and receive compliments on your cute shoes or new hair style. But it feels like it's gone too far and created a culture where we are programmed to say these types of things because deep down we still hold so much value in our worth on our outward presentation. We still all want to be the pretty girls on some level. And we lead with this. It's the small talk we fill space with like chatting about the weather. Believe me, I love when someone admires my outfit. I have blog posts dedicated to style and makeup. I just wonder how we shift this to become secondary to the deeper lives we all operate from, but rarely expose.

I'm not making suggestions for every one out there, just for this raging feminist trying to chip away a little at this complex topic.