I used to get angry about being active and the idea of going to the gym. People who like to exercise were taunting me with their enthusiasm. I just never understood the idea of voluntarily putting on super tight clothes and going to a hot stinky gym to sweat. And no, I'm not really exaggerating. I was fundamentally against trying to incorporate exercise into my life. Maybe this came from a reaction to my life long athlete of a husband who has gently suggested I workout for my health intermittently over the past 13 years we've been together. I was rebelling.

Then about six months ago I needed something. I was in a really bad place. I wanted to get out of my own way and I had a feeling exercise would force me to have that focus. My slowing metabolism coupled with a love of wine and delicious food and birthing two children was met with some tough times and it all helped me gain some extra weight. I felt heavy mentally and it was showing physically. And one day I was just ready. I called a trainer Jay knew from our gym (yes, I had a membership, I just never went) and haven't looked back since. For me I had to start with someone who could help me learn technique, hold me accountable and was charging me. All motivating factors. 

Now, fast forwarding six months, I am a changed person. I wanted to exercise to lose weight and keep my mind occupied, but what I got out of it was that and so much more. I truly believe it is a huge factor in not falling in to deep depression. I have also transformed my body. I now have a strong body that I have earned. I worked with my awesome trainer for three months and it gave me the momentum to incorporate exercise in to part of my life. I still have plenty of work to do, but am not in a rush.

Almost every time I work out I have a fleeting moment where I am almost brought to tears because of how much it has changed and helped me. I now can go in to a weight room and dead lift and do squats and bench presses. Something you couldn't have paid me to do a year ago. My body feels strong, my mind feels clear and I have so much more good and positive energy. I'm comfortable in my skin again. I love being an example for health and fitness for our kids along with Jay now. 

I remember always saying that after I was done having kids I wanted to get in to the best shape of my life. Maybe I knew I'd have no more excuses and the gift of an relatively ok body without much work would run out. Whatever it was I am glad I threw it out to the universe and it bounced back to me when I needed it the most, even if it was for completely different reasons.